Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
