whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
