Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
