Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
