If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
