oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My penis needs a shock collar
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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