very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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