We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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