Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
