he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
