this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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