Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
