Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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