meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize