Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
