he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
