I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
