I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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