I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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