I'm going to jail i love you
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
