she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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