is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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