my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
