did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
