i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
