i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
