No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
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