Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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