Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
