I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
