Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
