Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
