so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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