My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
