Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
