I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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