They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
