Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
