Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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