Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
