I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She bit a glass in half.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
