why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
