we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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