pop tarts are not kleenex
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
