I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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