I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
