id be glad to
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
