My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
