Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
