Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I lost the right to judge tonight
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
