so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
