My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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