pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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