It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
