You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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