**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
