heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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