I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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