i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
