I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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