At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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