i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
