Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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