Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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