Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
