I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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