Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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