This dress was meant to end up on your floor
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
