Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
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