i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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