"it" just moved
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
